The New Day

It has been three months since I went off Cymbalta and onto a small dose of a new medication.  My life has completely changed from searching for and desiring with every cell of my body suicide to now not even thinking about it.  Well, that’s not quite true.  I notice quite often that the thought is no longer there.  It feels strange but also glorious.  I have been interacting  and enjoying life with my boys and have even signed up for a Bible Study in hopes of meeting others.  I still have a lot of work to do concerning memories and integration and have had a few days of anguish but with the suicidal thoughts gone it has been much more doable.  As far as integration goes I have been working on feeling my feelings and trying to stay with them.  That’s not really integration but it is a step in the right direction.

I still get on here everyday to check and read other’s blogs but don’t have time to comment like I used to.  Thank you to everyone of you who have supported me during my darkest days when I didn’t have anyone else other than my therapist to lean on.  Writing helped me express what was going on inside and in that way helped me start to heal.  I am grateful to each of you that helped pull me out of the mire.

6 thoughts on “The New Day

  1. So happy about the Bible study! I hope it works out and you connect in a special way with the group! My bible study is one of the few things that make me feel normal and calm. I’m happy for you and your progress!

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  2. Being able to stay with one’s feelings is hard. There has to be a level of self trust to take on emotion without running from it via harmful means. This is a good step. I’m happy to hear it.

    Cymbalta isn’t doing much for my depression but it’s helping with pain so I’m sort of at a catch 22 on this one.


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  3. hey broken, i am glad things are on the up and looking up for you. thats great to hear. feeling feeling is so difficult. i am learning to do that too! sending good vibes and positive thoughts for you. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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